The truth is...

I can’t exactly put to words the way I feel (or don’t feel) tonight. The one word that remotely comes close is indifference. A lack of feeling has swept over me, although not because of anything that has come to pass. Usually, I find people irritating. I find people insoluble. I find that certain people affect me in different ways. But tonight, tonight I find indifference. This could be a good thing, depending on the person. Because the truth is, the opposite of love is not hate it is the lack of feeling. To hate is to admit to some kind of emotional bond to that person, that place or that object. Hate, I’ve realized, is something I am familiar with. This, I am not proud of and in my efforts to change I need to understand where my hatred stems from (something I’m working on). To love is quite obvious, although I have yet to come to terms with, or to even slightly understand what love really is. But love can be associated with a variety of symptoms as can hatred. And what we seem to know, or elude ourselves in believing, of the concepts of love and of hatred has only been a construction of what we’re “supposed to” believe…

Alas, I digress.

But if I continue with this thought process: if concepts, in general are a construction of society’s doing, maybe indifference is something I really know nothing about. It is told to me that it’s an absence of feeling, or concern, or interest. You are in the state of being indifferent. But if I feel it, can it not also be an emotion? Hmm… a paradox indeed.

I find it interesting that these thoughts come to me at hours I should be asleep…